


The New Normal

by fangirlingforeverz, homebound



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-18
Updated: 2017-10-18
Packaged: 2019-01-18 22:28:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12397521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangirlingforeverz/pseuds/fangirlingforeverz, https://archiveofourown.org/users/homebound/pseuds/homebound
Summary: Ken hangs back, watching them interact and feeling the pressure ease off his chest. This was real. Not an illusion conjured up by his mind to not think of the despair he was in. Right this very moment, Touka was readying their boys for bed, stroking their hair and humming a song that instantly soothed all three of the Kaneki boys whenever they heard it.With that, he exhales in relief.It was real.





	The New Normal

Touka had always been good at picking up the pieces.

 

Time after time again, her life had fallen apart. She had lost -- and lost -- and lost -- until it had begun to feel as though it the only thing keeping her from shattering was sheer willpower. There was always some other kind of responsibility that needed shouldering, or some other person who needed help. She had to be strong, because she was the only person who  _ could _ be. 

 

To live was to lose, and to lose was to rebuild. It was a cycle.

 

Emerging from the bowels of the 24th ward to a ravaged and broken city hadn’t broken her. Neither had seeing the giant kakuja who her husband had become. His roar reverberates throughout the entire city, making the ground shake and the still standing building tremble from the force of it. It had shaken her. 

 

But it hadn’t broken her.

 

Neither had taking his broken body from a strange man wearing a strange mask. The queer, drawn on expression bored into hers, as though to say, “Keep him safe.” She nods, lifting Ken easily and retreating, out into the city. Words aren’t exchanged because they aren’t necessary. 

 

She knows what she has to do.

 

\--

 

That had been a year ago, and it almost feels like a different world. Had she really been so near death? Had she really nearly lost of all of the things that were important? Rebuilding was always a strange time. It was a time where things were almost “normal” again, and you could go to bed and wonder if those dark times had really been just a dream. She and Ken pretend as though nothing had happened. They move into a tiny apartment just outside of Tokyo, on the fringes of the city that had been the least affected by the attack.

 

It had been difficult at first -- Ken had been almost like a zombie those first few months. He’d barely speak, and stare at her blankly as she struggled to even make him perform the most basic of tasks. 

 

Sometimes, he’d touch her like she was just a dream.

 

“You’re alive,” he’d say, relieved. “I thought I’d lose you -- that I’d never see you again.”

 

“I’m here,” she’d reassures. 

 

Eventually, he starts to get better -- especially after the twins are born. It’s almost like he’s himself again, then. She couldn’t be more relieved.

This was the new normal.  _ Their  _ new normal.

 

\-- even as the news displays reports on the city’s rebuilding efforts.

 

_ “A year has already passed since a horrifying monster -- a giant ghoul ransacked the city, killing thousands --” _

 

She turns off the news, glancing at Ken.

 

He’s holding both of their sons in his arms, and she sees the slightest twitch in his jaw. There’s pain in his eyes that he masks just as quickly as it had been revealed. Their black haired son giggles, reaching towards his father’s chin, while the other grabs at his ear, and he laughs before spinning in a way that makes both boys giggle uproariously. 

 

“You both need to go to bed,” Ken coos, “Kazuki-kun, Toya-kun, you’ve been keeping Mama and Papa up all night!” He says, making the little brats laugh that much harder. It was true -- they had been keeping them up with their cries for attention or food. Touka smiles, and goes to make coffee in the tiny apartment that they shared. It seemed as though they would be up again for another long night.

 

Is this what family felt like?

 

Had this been how her mother had felt watching her father with she and her brother? It’s a warm feeling, nestled in the centre of her heart that spreads until she’s dizzy with it.

 

Even in the midst of all the chaos and pain, this was a reminder that things would be okay. That she and Ken can make it and rebuild not only their lives but themselves as well. One year into their docile lives, things felt as if they were returning to normal. Almost.

 

She grew out her hair and worked in a small coffee shop that was owned by an older woman who was far too busy with her other shops to look after the one that Touka managed now. She had gotten incredibly lucky with the deal, especially when she and Ken are able to coordinate their schedules and take care of the boys. 

 

Ken worked in a used book store. Touka hadn’t wanted him to push himself but he admitted that staying home was doing him more harm than good. 

 

They only needed to afford the bare necessities and have some money leftover after the bills. It wasn’t much, but it was more than enough for the two of them. 

 

She pours coffee into two matching white ceramic mugs while he comes back with the boys after trying and failing to get them to sleep. 

 

Clearly, they just wanted to play more. 

 

“Leave them,” Touka says softly, gesturing to their colorful playmats that Ken puts them down on. Their small apartment won’t be enough two years from now, when the boys would be too rowdy. God knew they already were, crawling all over the place and taking slow halting steps. 

 

He walks over to sit with her on their small couch, picking up the mug to take a small sip of her delicious coffee. Silently, they watch the boys. 

 

“Yomo-san came by today,” She informs him with a light voice. “Dropped off some food, he wanted to see you.” 

 

His heart aches. He wasn’t ready to see anyone yet. 

 

“Why didn’t you send him my way?” He asks, rubbing the spot beneath his chin. His dark hair makes him look so much like his older self that it haunts Touka sometimes. 

 

“I didn’t want anyone bothering you at work,” She answers simply, putting her empty cup down. “He said he would be coming over again this weekend and -- I thought it would be best if he came over to the apartment than somewhere outside.”

 

She didn’t want to draw anyone’s attention. Her life had finally come together. The kids were happy and finally, so were she and Ken, forgetting the horrible tragedy in the 24th Ward would be impossible, but they can live in their bubble for some respite. 

 

They deserved that much, at the very least.

 

There was hardly anymore CCG to speak of these days, and so, that was at least not much of a concern. Ken had certainly saw to that when he’d destroyed the main CCG building and the doves in the underground. There had been quite the outcry from the public in the aftermath of the attack, but most doves were too afraid to even try to face what that thing had been -- and with no real leadership, they had quickly fallen to pieces.

 

And so, they were back to their status quo -- eating flesh where they could find it. She and Ken usually handled the hunting when they couldn’t find bodies from suicide victims, but they didn’t speak about it. It had to be done in order for them to preserve the life that they had managed to build for themselves. Other times, Yomo would bring them food, like now.

 

Ken nods. “That sounds -- better,” he says. 

 

He still had a hard time spending time with others. Sometimes the guilt would be so bad that it was cause fits. They were far less frequent now, but she doesn’t want to risk it. Not yet, at least. Even if Hinami asked about him and the boys often and Ayato complained about not being able to see her as often as he wanted to. Ken felt as though he had failed him, and while Touka wanted nothing more than to support him, she couldn’t help but feel like that sometimes too. She always squashes that thought -- that resentment down when it surfaces, though. It wouldn’t do any good to think about that, in any case.

 

_ After all,  _ her annoying brain reminds _ , He did it all for you. _

 

She knows that better than anyone. “It’ll be good for you to see Yomo-san,” she says, giving him a small smile. “It’s been a long time. Maybe you can tell him about some of those books that you read. He might understand them better than me,” she says hopefully. He hadn’t read as much lately, but talking to more people than his customers and her would probably be helpful.

 

“You’re right,” he says, still touching his chin. She wants to snatch his hand away. Grab it and squeeze it.  _ You don’t have to lie to me. _ Younger Touka would have lashed out at him for this -- for trying to make her happy, for trying to push himself to do something that he didn’t really want to do, but all she can do now is watch him with a heavy heart.

 

He was trying his best, after all. __   
  
His expression is unreadable as he watches the boys playing on their play mat. Kazuki had began crawling all over Toya, trying to retrieve a toy that they had bought doubles of. Unfortunately, Kazuki and Toya both preferred the same version of that toy. It was a broken and fallen apart teddy bear. The stuffing was poking out, and the button eyes were hanging on by a thread.

 

“Uga! Baa!” Toya cries, trying to hold the bear from his brother. 

 

Touka rolls her eyes.

 

“You know,” she says dryly. “Ayato and I got along when we were little,” she says. The fighting had come much later -- but she remembers that she liked spending time with that brat when she was a kid. Ken chuckles, watching them.

 

“I never had siblings,” he says, eyes warming as he watches them. “But, don’t they at least seem like they’re having fun?”

 

It  _ seems _ like Kazuki is about to knee Toya in the face just to get that damn toy back. Little brats. She loved them, but they were rambunctious as hell. If she let him, Ken would let them tear up their entire apartment. He adored the boys that much. She understands that, but  _ someone _ had to keep order. 

 

“Alright,” she says, setting down her coffee mug and scooping up Kazuki off of his brother, who had begun yelling at him quite passionately in what sounded like gibberish baby speak. “That’s enough playing. It’s bath time -- and then it’s sleep time,” she says firmly, looking her black haired son in the eye.

 

Kazuki instantly quiets as Toya is picked up by Ken, still holding the teddy bear while looking triumphant.

 

Touka smirks. Little shit. 

 

\--

 

The boys giggle as Ken tries to wash their hair. Toya splashes water at his father, getting it all over his shirt. 

 

He looks pleased at that and goes back to playing with his rubber frog toy while Kazuki giggles with a squeal when Touka pours water on his hair to get rid of the shampoo suds. 

 

“Eyes closed, brat!” She didn’t know why they did this every time, but both her boys kept their eyes open when she was trying to prevent tears during baths. 

 

Eventually, they rinse them off and wean them out of the water with promises of play time. Ken throws his wet shirt in the hamper before wrapping Toya in his matching hooded towel he had like his brother. They takes them to their room, readying them for bed.

 

Toya tries to eat the baby powder while Kazuki kicks his feet every time she tries to get him into his diaper. Seriously, the two would much rather run around naked and Touka knows that Ken lets them do whatever they wanted when she was at work. 

 

“Okay, that’s enough,” She scolds when the boys start another fight over the ratty teddy bear. She dots moisturizer over their flushed, chubby faces and soothes it into their skin softly, smiling as the two lean into her touch and blow raspberries because it makes mama laugh. 

 

Ken hangs back, watching them interact and feeling the pressure ease off his chest. This was real. Not an illusion conjured up by his mind to not think of the despair he was in. Right this very moment, Touka was readying their boys for bed, stroking their hair and humming a song that instantly soothed all three of the Kaneki boys whenever they heard it. 

 

With that, he exhales in relief. 

 

_ It was real. _

 

He was not imagining it. He wasn’t going to lose them. 

 

“You can go shower if you want, I’m gonna make sure the brats actually sleep before I move from this spot.”

 

He gives her a small smile, doing as she says, his mind weighing heavy in a state of melancholy that it did every night before bed.

 

\--

 

“Finally,” She whispers, pulling the colorful blankets around the boys. They were nestled close, their mitten covered hands resting by their heads as they snoozed. She smiles, watching them sleep and taking a picture on her cellphone to send to Hinami. 

 

They were a handful, but she loved her brats to death. 

 

Ken peaks his head in, the light from the hallway filtering into their bedroom. She holds a finger to her lips and Ken nods with a sheepish smile. 

 

She turns on the baby monitor and the night light before grabbing her towel and heading out into the hall where Ken was drying his hair. She admires the sight of his pale, wiry back before averting her eyes. 

 

Ah, right. It had been a few days since they had last had sex.

 

With the twins being as energetic as they were, both she and Ken had been too tired to do anything of the sort for the past week. This was actually the earliest that she had gotten the boys into bed this week. She looks at the clock, seeing that it reads 10:30 pm. That wasn’t bad at all.

 

Ken smiles when he sees her staring.  “Shouldn’t you shower as well? It’s been a long day.”

 

Right.

 

“I’ll be right back,” she promises, taking her towel with her as she makes her way to the shower. She undresses and turns on the spray, before getting underneath it. The heat of the water is soothing to her tired and sore muscles. Taking a shower with hot water is nice. They hadn’t had hot water in the underground. It had always been cold, and she only enjoyed a hot bath when she had the patience to go through the process of heating the water.

 

How much could change in a year. She had been afraid of dying everyday, of losing her children -- of waking up to realize that Ken and everyone around her was gone. And now -- she was raising two rambunctious toddlers with Ken in relative safety.

 

Well, as safe as being a ghoul could be.

She tries hard not to think of the sacrifice of the thousands of humans who now laid dead in graves to ensure this safety. 

 

_ Don’t think about it, _ she tells herself.  _ You can’t think about any of that if you’re going to keep surviving. _ She was a ghoul -- and her children were half ghouls. In order for them to live, some people had to die.

 

And that was that. 

 

\--

 

She emerges from the shower, and returns to their shared bedroom only in that small towel. She doesn’t expect to see Ken watching television. The remote is in his hand, but he seems frozen as he watches the screen.

 

_ “We’re here with one of the survivors of that fateful night. Can you tell us your account of that night?” _

 

_ “It was horrible,” _ says a small looking brown haired woman. “ _ Bodies were falling from the sky -- people were alive one minute and then dead the next--” _

 

She snatches the remote from him, turning the television off. His eyes are haunted again. “You didn’t have to do that,” Ken says quietly. “I shouldn’t hide from it.”

 

“So you want to torture yourself, instead?” Touka asks, voice hard. “What can you do about it? They’re already dead.” They never spoke about any of this. Even when he had his fits, they didn’t speak about any of this. It was better not to. To live was to lose -- and to sacrifice. People died so that they could live.

 

And that was that. She had made her peace with that years ago -- from the first moment that she had taken a life. 

 

Ken flinches. Then, he grits his teeth, putting his face into his hands. He’s trembling now and she feels like crying.

 

“You don’t understand,” he says, “There were so many people -- and I didn’t care. I didn’t care at  _ all, _ ” his voice cracks, and he swallows, as though trying to stifle a burgeoning sob. “I was so angry. None of them mattered to me.”

 

Touka’s hands tremble.

 

“I was a  _ monster.” _

 

He’s dry heaving now -- and with his black hair, he looks just like the old Ken -- the one who had begged for her help on his knees all of those years ago. She bites her lips, balling her hands into fists.

 

Old Touka would have hit him out of anger and frustration.

 

But now --

 

“Do you think I’m a monster too?” She asks, voice soft. He looks stricken the moment  that the words are out of her mouth. 

 

“ _ Never,”  _ he says, as though the very idea was foolish. Touka smiles, somewhat bitter. “I’ve killed over the years,” she says, “And most of them weren’t suicide victims, Ken,” she uses his given name. Doing so always seemed to relax him. It was something special between the two of them. Something that was just for them.

 

“Am I a monster, too? Should I beat myself up over their lives everyday, too?”

 

He falls silent.

 

“What about the boys?” She asks softly, “You can tell already, right? They can’t eat human food, either. Are they monsters?”

 

“I --”

 

“You can’t change the past,” she says softly, moving closer and wrapping him in her arms. “All we can do is move forward. What was the point of it all if you fall apart now?” She sighs when his arms also wrap around her waist, pulling her tightly against him. He nestles his face against her stomach, inhaling sharply, as though taking in her scent.

 

Gently, she threads her fingers through his hair. It’s still damp from his shower, but it smells good -- comforting.

 

He wants to stay right here, at this very spot, if possible forever. She pulls him up for a small peck on the lips, a small peck that he deepens into a full, simmering kiss. It warms her body, making her head swim from the haziness like it always did when he kissed or touched her. 

 

She doesn’t think she’ll ever tire of it. 

 

“I love you,” He murmurs, eyes impossibly warm. She beams, radiating with light. Kissing the corner of his mouth and placing her head in the crook of his neck. 

 

“I love you too, Ken.” 

It knocks the breath out of him every time she says it. 

 

“Say it again,” He murmurs, gently pulling her onto his lap and she straddles him comfortably. His fingers pull at the knot that keeps her towel in place, his other hand resting in her cheek, cupping the warm skin softly. She places a hand over it, leaning into his touch and turning in to kiss his palm. 

 

His eyes darken. It had been  _ far _ too long.

 

He pulls the knot apart, letting the thin towel fall, pooling around her hips as he kisses her again. Her arms automatically wrap around his shoulders and they lose themselves to the hunger, never being able to get enough of each other. 

 

He tosses the towel to the ground and trails kisses down her face, down her jaw and throat until he’s able to bury his face between her breasts, lips ghosting over her heartbeat. 

 

She was wet. So wet already and he can feel it through the thin fabric of his boxers. How did she always want him this much? The feeling was so foreign to him, after a lifetime of being cast aside for something else, being someone’s priority scares him. 

 

It makes him think that this too will be taken someday. 

 

He didn’t want that to ever happen and it scares him, thinking of what he was willing to do to make sure that it never happened. Touka and the boys, they were his life blood. He was still learning to forgive himself, to forgive the world but he knew that if something were to ever take them away from him. God _,_ **they would pay.**

 

The same familiar darkness swirls in the pit of his belly. She sighs against his lips, leaning into hands that squeeze her breasts, playing with her nipples until she sees with her hazy eyes how he licks them to attention, suckling them until they turns rosy. 

 

The attention sends a sweet throb to her core, and she squeezes her thighs around his hips, growling softly against his mouth as her hips begin to shift restlessly. It always feels so good -- having him against her like this. Just as intense as that first time. There’s heat, sweet euphoria that shoots through her veins and she can’t help but cling to him, feeling the slick between her legs grow.

 

The effect that had on her body is always an intense one.

 

It’s a heady, sweet feeling -- one that  _ consumes. _

 

Her lips part as his fingers reach between her legs, finding her clit. He rubs the swollen nub in between her fingertips, smiling against her mouth as he finds it peeking from behind her clitoral hood. 

 

She wants him so much. Even after everything -- even when he doesn’t deserve any of this. His happiness was built on the bones of others. Even so, he couldn’t let go of her, or their new life. He would die for it.

 

Kill for it. Kill for  _ her _ .

 

_ Do you understand? _ He wonders as his fingers move lower, pushing inside of her entrance. Her walls squeeze his fingers needily, and she gasps harshly. Her skin is flushed such a pretty color, and he kisses the column of her thin, pale neck as her head tips back.  _ Do you have any idea what I would do for you? _

 

“That feels so good,” she breathes, “Don’t stop,” and she grabs his wrist, trying to push his fingers in deeper; hold them in place.

 

Ken chuckles, “I don’t plan on it,” he promises. 

 

It only takes a few more moments before she’s prepared enough for his cock -- and she’s impatient as she urges him to fuck her. “Come on,” she moans, “Hurry,” and she tugs him down to their bed, pushing down his boxers with one hand, and stroking him with the other. He’s already hard, and her touch only serves to nearly push him to the edge.

 

But that was too soon --

 

Growling, he grabs her wrists, pinning them both down above her head, just like he knew that she liked it. He smiles when he sees her eyes widen, looking up at him with flushed cheeks with her pupils blown wide.

 

So beautiful.

 

_ “Ken,” _ she huffs, annoyed at his meticulousness. “Fuck me --”

 

“This is the first time in awhile,” he says, smiling. “Do you want it to be over that quickly?”

 

This gives her pause, and he finds himself laughing. She was always so impatient. He loves that about her. 

 

He loves everything about her.

 

Teasingly, he presses the head of his cock against her folds, rolling his hips as he slides his cock in between them. It’s easy with how wet she was, sliding slickly and coating him with her wetness until he is more than adequately lubricated. He watches her expression as he does, careful to press the head of his cock right against her clit until her hips are tipping upward to meet his.

 

“Ken --”

 

“You tease me all of the time, Touka,” he says, quietly. “But you can never take when it’s done to you,” he says, smiling.

 

He’s already feeling better.

 

“Fucking asshole --,” and her breath hitches as he pushes the tip of himself inside, before withdrawing. Her eyes narrow at the sudden emptiness. 

 

It had become a bad habit -- making her beg for it. But it was something that he craved, something that he needed. He needs to know that she wanted him, as much as he wanted her. That she loved him.

 

Needed him.

 

“Do you want it?” Ken asks, voice soft.

 

She always had such a hard time begging, being as prideful as she was. She glares at him, flushed as she tries to wrap her legs around his hips and move him forward, but he grabs her hips to keep her still. “Touka?”

 

“Fuck -- okay -- I want it -- just -- fuck me --,” she begs, flushed red from anger. He grins. That was his Touka.

 

He loves it when she gives in. Her stubbornness and impatience, losing only to her desire to him made him feel drunk off the power he wielded over her. He slides in again -- sensuously slow and keeping his eyes trained on her. Watching the flush color every area of her skin, sweat bead on her temples and slide down the side of her face and dip underneath her jaw. 

 

He follows that too - with his tongue once he’s nestled inside of her folds completely, his cock throbbing from the pressures of her velvety walls. 

 

He gives her a crooked smile. 

 

“You’re so hungry for me,” He coos, moving her bangs away from her face so he can see her eyes. She looks ethereal under the orange glow of the room, her lips parting with every breath as he moves inside of her slowly. He holds her hips down as he bottoms out inside of her with every deep thrust. He slows only to bring her legs up over his shoulders and Touka raises up on shaky elbows as his hips pick up. 

 

“F-Faster,” She moans, toes curling from the way he was filling her. He was going so deep.  _ So deep, _

 

“Not yet,” He hisses, driving his hips in when she gasps aloud, tipping her head back. 

 

This time, he latches onto her throat with an opened mouthed kiss, making sure it would leave a mark. She whimpers helplessly, shaking from how close she was, her stomach dipping with the knot that tightens the closer she gets until finally --

 

She comes undone with a gasp -- that would have become more and woke the kids and the neighbors if he hadn’t clasped his palm over her mouth and made the sensation  _ that _ much better. It’s hard to string so much as a thought together, and then, Ken is moving. She’s taken her pleasure first, and that’s all that he needed for permission to seek his own.

 

He grabs one of her thighs, pushing it back so that her leg came to rest of his shoulder and grabs her hip, squeezing as he pushes inside -- hard.

 

Her lips part and she clings to him, trying to find purchase in something as his hips press flush against her with every single thrust. She can feel him so _ deep. _

 

Ken moans against her ear, “Touka,” he breathes her name. Panting it, until the knot inside of his belly feels ready to burst. She kisses him, and that’s all it takes for him to tumble over the edge. She’s so tight, clenching around his cock and milking him as he pushes all of the way inside of her.

 

The head of his cock kisses her cervix, filling her, and the sensation is enough to make her bite his shoulder, right over his marriage scar to keep silent. 

 

She shakes with shaky thighs and tears in her eyes as he draws out to roughly pull her onto him as he lays on his back. 

 

“I love you,” he pants again, pressing feverish kisses to her forehead, and then her cheeks. “I love you so much.”

 

Her hand goes to his chest, resting over the warm, sweat covered skin there as she allows herself to feel his heartbeat.

 

It was still difficult -- living day by day,  _ knowing _ that their lives came at a price. But -- she wouldn’t give it up. Not for anything.

 

“I love you too,” she whispers. “This -- this is all worth it. I promise,” she tells him. Reassuring him. Reassuring  _ herself. _

 

His eyes soften.

 

“I know.”

 

\--

 

The end.

**Author's Note:**

> So since 145 is a doozy, we thought we can try to remedy it with some fluffy smut. Leave us a comment if you like!


End file.
